What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 21.06.2025 00:42
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
What are the most extreme examples of hypocrisy?
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
She found it foreign!.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She married twice! .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
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Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
In what circumstances might a chaperone be appropriate for a medical examination?
I think the readers, may guess!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
How can I fall asleep fast at night?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I was 9 years of age.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Why is my elder sister so mean?
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
What’s the craziest thing you’ve heard pretending to be asleep?
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Comes on , in middle age.
She wouldn,t have been !
In my experience, British people are fat, ugly and arrogant. Why is it and can it be changed?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I write beautiful poetry .
Do most narcissists have good intentions as long as you are under their control?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Im still living with it.
But, we were locked up after school.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
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But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
We all went to grammer schools
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
My family never makes their pension either.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
This is soul school!.
Put me off passion for life!!
It was going to be , some day.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
She was in good health!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
One cannot live in the past .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I said to her
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
So whats the point in blame.
(And it was in our own minds.)
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I have no regrets .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I couldn’t, believe it.
I was seconnd youngest,
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
My life is so biszare .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
She loved him until the end.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I was scared of men, in general
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I was very sick at this time too.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
But it wasn’t much.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I don,t even have a pension.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
And i lived it daily.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Would this be the day?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Why did i forgive my father ?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
He knew the spot.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He resisted the act ,that day.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I never cut or harmed myself..
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I will be 64.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Who then, do I blame.?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Especially a lifetime of it.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
All the time i was locked up.
What did i know ?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Ive learnt so much.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I waited trembling.
When she asked me how she looked .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
So, i spoilt her more .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
We were not on the streets..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.